Old Htopia Posts

This is the archive for all the old Htopia content, 2009-12. Mostly rambling musings on bad commercials and movies, with a lengthy trip down Nintendo memory lane.


When the news broke that the Nintendo Power was shutting off, I got bit with the nostalgia bug, picked up a NES knockoff, and broke the collection out of the closet for a new round of life.

The Pedestrian Lessons of Paperboy – Life is never easy, except when it’s compared to the game Paperboy.  Featuring the most honest commercial of the 80’s.

You’re No Longer Playing With Power – The news that started it all. With heavy doses of Maniac Mansion.

NEStalgia Week

Part 1: The Bubble Bobble 2 That Got Away – The exploding resale value of NES games.

Part 2: The RetroDuo – A review of the 3.0 version of the console by Retro Bit.

Part 3: An Erosion of Skills in Castlevania III – Old grey H, he ain’t what he used to be, ain’t what he used to be.

Part 4: Power Blade, Repetitive Bats, and Two Great 2-Player Games – The bats from Castlevania show up in surprising places.

Part 5: The Rescue Ranger Redemption – When an NES game had great play control and a terrible ending, you knew you had a classic.

Part 6: Three Failed Nintendo Products and the Commercials That Introduced Them – Nin-ten-do! It’s a cereal!  And a badass glove!  And a…gym mat.

Part 7: The Spiritual Successor to The Legend of Zelda – The first Zelda game finds an unlikely successor, 25 years later, in the indie sandbox survival game Minecraft.

Part 8: We’re Off to See The Wizard – The longest and best commercial ever made teaches us that Nintendo is awesome.

Part 9: Congratulation! A Winner is You! – Some various thoughts as NEStalgia week comes to a close.


The Dune Drinking Game – Cinema’s most powerful director combines with the best novel in sci-fi to create a journey best appreciated with a copious amount of drinking.  Make sure your liver is sitting down.

I Fell In It, The Pit, We All Fell In It, The Pit – 1981’s The Pit tries and mostly fails to teach us to fear allegedly autistic children.

Seven Stories and the Hero: Ernest the Everyman – Ernest P. Worrell walks the path of Joseph Campbell’s Hero With a Thousand Faces, featuring British climate skeptics and well-drilled terrorist children.

Irrational Fear: Harry and the Hendersons vs. the SyFy Channel – We can either confront our innermost fears and deal with them rationally, or we can deal with them like the *sigh* SyFy Channnel.

We’re Off to See The Wizard – The longest and best commercial ever made teaches us that Nintendo games are AWESOME.


Distance On Wikipedia: The Philosophical Orbits of Hulk Hogan and Alf – Because of a quirk in the way Wikipedia articles are written and linked, you can follow a pattern that, sooner or later, leads you to the page for philosophy.

A Week In Groin Related Violence – The most important shot to the crotch is always the one that just happened to you, but two in particular that happened this week are instructive in nature.

Bad Advertising

Failures In Extreme Marketing: The YoYo Ball vs. The Pogo Bal – The 10 year heyday of extreme advertising was bookended by a pair of updated toys somehow more boring than the originals.

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